Getting to know Eileen

I first met Eileen on Thanksgiving, around 1987. I had attended Mass at St John's (Episcopalian) and had helped with Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless. Our priest was taking a meal to several shut-ins, and I offered to drive her around. Stop #1 .... Eileen. Eileen had polio as a child, and was not able to walk unassisted.... she had been in a wheelchair for years. She was in her late 70s when I met her. I liked her very much -- she had a tremendous spirit, and a wicked sense of humor. So I asked if I could come and visit her again... and so we became friends. At that time, Eileen was also dealing with post-polio syndrome, and with spinal stenosis - both of which were very painful. When I would visit, she would be in good spirits... always interested in any scoop from St John's. She had been a member there for decades... I was a relative newcomer. She refused to eat lunch downstairs in her building - everyone in her building was elderly, disabled, or both - said she did not need that. So she would take care of herself in her little studio apartment.

Things went along like that for a couple of years - I would visit, we would chat. She had a couple of old stories that I had heard many times by then, but that was ok.

One night my phone rang, and it was Eileen - something had happened - I don't remember what -- she had fainted or was in more pain than usual, and she was frightened. I could not visit her that evening - and in desperation, called my dear friend Paul, who lived in the same town as Eileen. I asked him to go to see her. Paul was the most accomodating of men, but this time he balked - said he did not know her, would not know what to say to her, was not comfortable doing this, etc. I was very concerned about her -- it was *extremely* unusual for feisty, independent Eileen to ask for help. So I talked for a long time... told Paul that he would not have to worry about what to say, because after "Hello," Eileen would carry the conversational ball, no problem. And told him I was worried. We went around several times, and he finally agreed to pay her a visit.

They had a fine visit, and Paul got hooked too. He visited her frequently, taking her lunch on a Saturday, stopping by for tea after work. She knew that we were best friends - sometimes we would visit her together. One of my favorite memories - I picked Paul up on Christmas morning, and we headed over to Eileen's, bearing gifts. She buzzed us through the security door. When we got to her floor, she had wheeled herself out into the hallway, and greeted us with a loud and merry "Ho Ho Ho" - and she was wearing a Santa hat. We all had a lovely Christmas morning together - that year, Paul and I had asked a friend to take a roll of snapshots of the two of us. We had framed one of those shots for Eileen, and she was simply delighted with her gift.

In 1990, Eileen had surgery on her spine - very scary for her! The surgery was successful, and she had some relief from the excruciating pain of the spinal stenosis. After some time in rehab, she was back in her tiny little studio apartment, and doing well. Eileen had not been to Mass in years - the priests and lay Eucharistic ministers would bring her Communion regularly, but the social butterfly in the wheelchair missed the social time at the church. So after weeks and weeks of discussion and planning, Eileen prepared to attend Mass. I went to her apartment that morning - she was SO excited! (I was not able to attend Mass myself that morning - long story, but my then-partner and I were in the process of breaking up, and we had made an agreement to alternate Sundays since my being in church made her uncomfortable. I asked for an exception for Eileen's return to church - but my partner held me to our agreement.) So after church I was waiting at her little apartment, and she told me ALL about her wonderful day. She had quite the triumphal return to St John's ... during the announcements, they brought her up to the front of the church so that the community could applaud and welcome her home.

On Sundays when Eileen felt strong enough, one of us would pick her up and drive her to St John's. At that time, there was no handicap access to St John's. Eileen's body was damaged... but she was not small, frail, or lightweight -- three of us would be needed to pick her up, wheelchair and all, and carry her up the long flight of stairs into the church. During this exercise, Eileen would pray loudly and laugh the entire time. A previous rector had called her "the queen" - and she would laugh about how the Queen was being carried royally into the church.

Others from the church became involved... several folks offered to drive her to church on Sundays. Our friend Rick was a visiting nurse, and he first saw her professionally. But after a couple of visits, he was also hooked, and Eileen had another friend.

Eileen was one hot ticket.